Helpful Tips for Handling a Preschooler’s Tantrums

Tantrums are common in early childhood development. They are especially expected between the ages of 1 to 4 years old. It can be frustrating, especially during public outbursts. Yet, it’s important to remember. Tantrums show that your child is still learning how to manage big emotions. Your child’s brain is actively developing self-regulation skills, and these moments are valuable opportunities to support their emotional growth.

We’ve put together compassionate, practical strategies to help you navigate tantrums with confidence, while encouraging positive behavior and emotional development.

How to Respond to a Tantrum

1. Focus on Safety
   Your first responsibility is to make sure your child and others around them are safe. If your child’s behavior becomes aggressive or poses a safety risk, calmly remove them from the environment. If the tantrum involves crying, whining, or stomping without harming others, you can stay in place. Allow the emotions to run their course.

2. Stay calm and offer to help. Children feed off of our energy. Staying calm will help improve the tantrum as well as your own frustration with the situation. Deep breaths. Lots of deep breaths…

3. Redirect their attention in appropriate ways. If your child tantrums over a toy or something unavailable, redirect their attention. Offer another toy or activity. Don’t let your child dwell on what’s not available. Fortunately, preschool age children are easy to redirect most of the time due to short attention spans.

4. Model self regulation skills. Parents modeling how to handle tantrums is crucial for a child to learn how to handle their feelings. Model taking deep breaths or walking away to calm down when you are upset.

5. Be consistent! We can’t stress this enough. Kids need consistency and repetition. Repeated experiences and expectations are how kids learn.

How to Prevent Tantrums

• Compliment your child’s good behavior. We like to say “catch them being good”. A child is seeking attention when displaying any type of behavior – positive or negative. Complimenting the good behavior is sending the message that this is the behavior that gets rewarded, not the tantrum.

• Give your child control over the little things. Young children are learning their place in the world and how the world works. They are seeking control in any way that they can. Tantrum triggers can be caused from not having a choice. Let them choose as much as you can.For instance, let them choose what color rain boots you buy them, what book you will read at bedtime, etc.

• Teach your child self control and coping skills. The best time to teach them how to cope with feeling upset is once your child has calmed down. You can create a cozy corner with stuffed animal or read stories about having big feelings.

• Know your child’s limits! If your child has a short temperament at social gatherings or public places (e.g. restaurants, birthday parties). It’s OK to keep your visits short and kindly excuse yourself when your child has had enough. Ask for the check as soon as your food arrives. This way, if your child decides to have a temper tantrum, you can make a quick exit

Why do tantrums happen? Is it normal for a 4-year-old to have tantrums?

We need to remember that preschoolers are in the early stage of learning. They are developing social-emotional and language skills. Preschoolers are learning how to manage their feelings.

Here are a few factors on why temper tantrums happen:

Temperament

It is important to know your child’s temperament. Your child’s temperament plays a big role in tantrums.

If you have a child who is highly-sensitive, loud environments can overwhelm them. Places like restaurants or birthday parties will cause them to lose it.

If you have a child who is cautious, being thrown into new activities or environments may cause a tantrum.

If you have a child who does not adapt well to change, be cautious. Spontaneous changes to the schedule or situations may cause a tantrum. Sudden alterations can result in emotional outbursts.

Tiredness, hunger, overstimulation or stress

If your child hasn’t had enough sleep, this could greatly affect their behavior. Similarly, if they haven’t had enough to eat, they might easily tantrum over the slightest upset.

Overstimulating or stressful environments, like birthday parties, loud restaurants or public places can cause stress on a child. Pay attention to where your child tantrums. This will help you plan better and avoid tantrums.

Expressive speech and language skills

Children with expressive speech and language delays often show tantrums. This happens because they lack the means to express themselves. Encourage the use of visuals. Ask your child to point to what they want. Show them what it is they want.

Learning how to handle their strong emotions

Parents will gain from taking the time to teach their child how to handle their strong emotions and feelings. Think of it as putting tools in their toolbox. This list of resources offers guidance on how to teach young children to handle their emotions:

• Social and Emotional Development: Preschoolers
• 8 Social and Emotional Activities for Preschoolers
• Effective Ways to Handle Preschooler Defiance
• Best Children’s Books for Social and Emotional Learning

How do I deal with my 4 year old’s tantrums in school?

Parents often report their child’s behavior problems at school are effecting them. We strongly urge parents to be on the same page with their child’s school and teacher. Clear communication and sticking through at home will help decrease tantrum behavior at school.

Your child’s teacher may be offer to suggestions on how to deal with preschool tantrums. Take the suggestions on what works for you and your family. Most children will catch on quick when the same expectations are positively reinforced at home as well as at school.

The overall message is to create consistency and follow through at home when your child throw tantrums. The sooner you coordinate with your child’s school about handling tantrums, the sooner you will see good behavior.

Should I ignore my 4 year old’s tantrums?

The answer is yes AND no.

YES, if your child is whining or crying. It is best to ignore this learned behavior and only positively reinforce good behavior.

NO, if your child is displaying aggressive behavior that is dangerous or destructive to themselves or other children. If your child is throwing items that will cause harm to themselves or others, it is best to intervene. Remove the items or your child from the environment.

When should I seek professional help?

It’s important to remember temper tantrums are not a cause for concern. This is a natural part of early childhood development. As your child gets older you should notice fewer tantrums. A parent should seek professional help if:

• Your child is causing harm to themselves or others during severe tantrums

• Your child’s tantrums happen more often or last longer

• Your child hardly ever cooperates, constantly disagreeable or argues a lot with others

Final Thoughts

As earlier mentioned, if you haven’t seen progress with your child’s tantrums or emotional meltdowns over time, consider underlying causes. These may include anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and learning disorders. Contact your child’s pediatrician or local school district to share your concerns. They can help with for further assessments and/or evaluations.